Pinchy would have wanted it that way!

My colleague M. is marrying her girl friend on the 5th of December. We started to talk about weddings, commitment, sensitivity, partners and the one you want to spend the life with. G. is still single at his 40s. Nobody ever asked him about if he ever wanted to get married. The answer was yes, but it was not that easy to find the one you want to spend your life with. We all wish G. find his beautiful sweetheart in France. After the party in JG's big house, I never felt so strongly of wanting to posses something and want to belong somewhere. Being addicted to one man's love, the feeling of unsettlement has ridiculously getting stronger. We are all our ex'es sweethearts but being demanding to what we have. We are all taking granted of what we have and only learn to regret when things aren't the same. M. said marriage is like shoes.

Mum has been taken care of Boyuan. She cried sometimes during night. One way mum has tried to stop her crying was singing some strange lyrics which I couldn't remember of. Most of the stories were beautiful, but that creature of red eyes and green limbs even was very scaring to me. I tried to stop mum on the scary character. The Bogeyman story just caught my attention tonight. It probably not my mum created the Bogeyman. The Bogeyman.

Two voices in my mind are arguing this Sunday afternoon. One tells me to just collect things freeze down and then get back home; while the other one tells me to continue because of the effort coming in to the lab in the rain, too much time to waste for next week etc. I am glad the second voice eventually wins. 

It has been a while since I laughed happily. Mum was telling me her stories with Boyuan at home. Home is getting colder, at much earlier time than it used to be in the history. Historically, toilet is built outside the house in rural China. Boyuan has just had her 2nd birthday but already showed her talents in keeping everybody busy. In one of the afternoon, she locked my mum but hadn't managed the skill to unlock the toilet. Mum tried her best with her soft voice yelling out for the neighbors, Boyuan was crying loudly as much as she can. It took almost an hour for the neighbors come for their rescue. The other time she was following dad when he was cooking and locked herself in with keys in the kitchen. Dad had to break the window to get her out. Thinking of home, everything has been so simple and independent. The families work hard towards a better living, but nobody had to live by working for others. I had that life for years until I joined the many of my fellows living in a city and working for others to make a living. My effort to make a home in the much milder and cleaner environment hasn't proved to be easy and I haven't been in any way happier in general. My current boss has been such a nice person that any complaint I maybe going to make would make myself guilty. My eagerness of getting settled and my efforts in getting things done have proved to be unsatisfying. R. from the other lab asked me a few times how long am I going to stay even though we haven't managed to talk more than 10 lines. The original imagination of working together to get big scientific matters answered have also been not that simple. "Areas of research will continue to overlap and each of us needs to find ways of cordially and constructively interacting to mutual benefit, using personal qualities like insight, intuition, patience, sensitivity, tolerance, sense of humour, sympathy/empathy, freedom from fear, freedom from judgement, freedom to give and take, and active listening. Cultural differences in giving and taking criticism are also relevant here." It simply won't work that way. "Life and biology are about 'context' not absolute truths and that people survive by defending." This is absolute truth.